me

I lost the fight once again. Against the inner me.

I need to talk to you, ###.
Here we go.

Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for all your suggestions, recommendations, and what not. I am thankful for your calls, but it pressurises me so much that sometimes I think you're more like, controlling me, instead of lending me a helping hand. I used to think that I would never get a chance to study abroad, I used to think that I would never get a chance to be a top student in school. But I've proven myself wrong. Well, except for the first thought - I don't know about it yet for sure. I've been in doubt for the past few days. Oh. And actually, talking to you really wakes me up. You wanna know why? The calls remind me how much I should appreciate my parents, because they understand what I want, what I can achieve, and what they feel they should provide for me. You and I barely know each other, and you seem to be wanting to make me apply for those things that I do not want. You gave me information and force me, in a way, to look at them, but have you tried walking in my shoes? Please, I know you're trying to help, and even though I do not know why you are doing so, I truly appreciate your kindness. But please, please, I know what I want, and my family members know me more than you do. I know that you have some political connection, but you know, with the advanced technology in this era, I've already seen, and read, and mentally digested all the stuffs that you've tried to send me. What you're making me apply is not what I want. Your false informations confused me, and they made me break down. They piled up, and created a mere disappointment. Please, just help me to get through all these, by prayers, and I really hope you wouldn't throw any additional burdens onto my shoulders. I'm very sorry for all these inappropriateness, but I can't hold it anymore. I'm tired, and about to collapse. 



update: 
Oh no. i just checked my inbox. new messages from you. I'm so tired, could you please let me rest at this hour? your confusing links make my head spin. Spin. Spin. Spin. Spin. and Spin so much that it hurts.